She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
