I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
