Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
