So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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