How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
