OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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