I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
