i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
