The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
how drunk are you?
Several
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
