I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
