I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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