It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
