Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
