I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
