Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
