Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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