at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
we have officially lost it.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
