yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
