Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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