just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
