I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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