Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
