Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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