I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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