she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
