I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
