You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
