I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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