and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
