hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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