a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
