wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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