mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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