he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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