and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
