Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Found your dick twin last night
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
