Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
