his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
