just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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