he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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