Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
