I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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