Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
