I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
