He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
