two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
