Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize