just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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