Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
