So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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