I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
