why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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